Our feelings are quite a phenomena. Especially because within those feelings lie a whole lot of emotions, thoughts, and subconscious beliefs, that may include everything from joys to sorrows, anger and happiness, fear and courage, hope and despair, love and loneliness. We sometimes find ourselves not truly understanding what we are feeling and why we are feeling the way that we do. And in some instances, more than we probably even care to admit or realize, we just don't know what we feel.

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We are sometimes so caught up in life and so caught up in our everyday routines that in our attempt to just make it through the day we ignore all those little things that rub us the wrong way and rush past the things that do bring us some type of joy or comfort.

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In many cases it is not until we open our mouths or take a particular action that we realize that we are "feeling" a certain way. In many times it may not be until we hear a song on the radio or see something on television that makes us realize that we are "feeling" a certain way. It is sometimes not until that friend or loved one calls us to express their emotions about their own drama be it good or bad that we then realize that we are "feeling" a certain way. And why it is true that we are always going to have feelings and that it Is not humanly possible to live without them, the concern is that sometimes we are so busy with life, or so busy trying to talk someone else through their feelings, that we are not addressing what's in our own hearts.

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That becomes a concern because allowing something to go suppressed for so long can then put us in a state where we don't even want to deal with addressing what we feel because it seems as though  it will require more energy than we may be able to give at the moment.

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Therefore, instead of talking it out, instead of journaling about it, instead of meditating, instead of asking for prayer or praying about it, instead of talking to God about it, we decide to "fill" our "feelings" and when we decide to "fill" our "feelings", all I can say is prepare for a ride because depending on what we are filling our feelings with we can find ourselves on the right road, the wrong road, or on a path with constant detours.

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Now, it is not to say that we all don't have "guilty pleasures" or things that we "indulge" in as a means of relieving stress or worry. That's not what we're talking about. We're not talking about indulging in the box of chocolate after a long day. Or treating yourself to a nice prime rib after a week of workplace drama. We are not talking about the occasional doing something to pamper yourself whether it be a new pair of shoes or a new tech gadget. We can all do those things just to breathe, just to have moments of calm. But it is a difference between "having a moment of calm" and trying to create a surrogate for what you're feeling. Let's explore:

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We are referring to when we start to replace what we're feeling with things not as a means of merely escaping the stress of it but as a means of trying to quickly stop the feeling, trying to quickly not heal but cover the wound.

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Sometimes we find ourselves in a place where our usual "moment of calm" routine is not helping at all. That moment of calm helped you to get over the long line at the grocery store. It helped you get over your parents not liking your new haircut. It helped you get over your sibling not reimbursing you with the money that you loaned them. It helped you get over your mate forgetting to pay your cell bills. It helped you to get over not being chosen to lead the church board. It even helped you get over having to postpone the trip that you've been saving for. But then along comes that thing, that feeling that cannot be so easily calmed.

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Sometimes feelings behave themselves until you realize that they are there. You behave until you realize they are there. But once they are brought to your attention what do you do when you just aren't in the mood to address them? We all have those moments where we think "Not today." And "Not today." turns into "Not tomorrow." or the "Next day." either. And when we realize that nagging feeling won't go away, we become so desperate to get rid of what we are feeling that we just decide to "fill" it.

 

"FILLING" It?

What do I mean by "fill it"? Filling your feelings is when you pour into something else hoping that the thing that you pour into will pour something back into you to fill you in a way that makes the feeling go away. You want something else to "fill" (replace) what you "feel". You want something else that may be more appeasing to you to occupy that space.

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You may be feeling lonely, and it all starts off with you deciding to have dinner with a close friend.  You think that maybe this loneliness is because you have not had time to spend with friends or family because work has been extremely busy. After having dinner with your friend, you feel a little better but by the time you get home, prepare for bed, and sleep on it, you realize that the loneliness is still lingering. So, you then start to browse social media and come across an old acquaintance, a different "friend" which leads to you hooking up with said acquaintance and doing something that you now regret. However, a few days go by, and you realize that hey, the loneliness is not there anymore. You're so happy about that, you decide to browse your social media page and see what that old acquaintance is up to and you come across pictures of them and their significant other that you knew nothing about and all of a sudden, there goes that feeling of loneliness just like you had before but it has now amplified, and it now has a friend called resentment that has joined it and a cousin called anger that is waiting for an invitation to the party. And on top of that you now have guilt because that thing called "salvation" that you had been working so hard to maintain has been dismantled. Now, before you know it, you have made all kinds of decisions and involved yourself in all kinds of dramas which all stem from you trying to avoid "one feeling". All because you were not in the mood to confront why you were feeling lonely. All because you poured into something hoping that it would "fill" you in a way that erased that feeling that you wanted to get rid of.

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How many times have you found yourself there? Or maybe…

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You ate a slice of pie because your boss upset you. When the pie did not work, you added the ice cream to your after-work regimen. And then when that still did not fully satisfy you emotionally, although it satisfied your appetite, you then moved to that cigarette that you know you are not supposed to have due to your health scare. That same cigarette that you promised God you would never touch again,  if the test results came back negative. But because you refuse to give your boss any more of your energy by even thinking about it you say, "Jesus knows. He'll understand." (Side Note: why is it that we can always see God as a compassionate God when we want to justify our wrongdoing but outside of our wrongdoing, we see Him as a God of wrath, but that's another topic, let's move along). But that cigarette helps you to keep from losing your job  (at least you think it did). However,  what it did not do was keep you from the doctor because your health scare has now become your health concern. And you are "mad at God", because you think He is punishing you for not keeping your word.

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As we attempt to "fill" our feelings more often than not, we are not "filling" them with the right things. At some point, things spiral so out of control that trying to get rid of anger because someone cut you off in traffic turned into you going online and playing a casino game that while it kept you from a police charge it did not keep you from the gambling addiction that you now have. God helped you to overcome your alcohol addiction. You were responsible and did everything that you were supposed to do, and life has been so good to you. God has been so good to you. However, the truth is that it took a lot for you to overcome your drinking habit and you just don't feel like addressing a road rage issue too. The way you see it everybody has road rage. Your attempt to "fill" your "feeling" got you into a worse mess and introduced you to another addiction.

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There's a commercial that used to come on that emphasized the fact that  "When you tell one lie it leads to another" and it showed a constant web of how one person's lie caused them to end up in a series of lies until they were so entangled in their own lies that it seemed as though there was no escape.

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This is what happens to us when we start to "fill" our "feelings" with the wrong thing.

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When we try to replace one feeling with another one.

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You have to realize that when you are "filling" your "feelings" you are not replacing the feeling you are just putting an extra layer on top of it. Now there are some things that we pour into that may be completely innocent. They may not be bad in nature at all. But see what happens is when that "innocent" thing is not working and you are still feeling what you feel, you begin to move down the assembly line of replacing your feeling with thing, after thing, after thing, not realizing that the further down the assembly line you go, the more harmful what you're "filling" yourself with may become although, it did not start out that way.

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If you are not addressing why you're lonely, why you're angry, why you have the road rage, why you feel the disappointment , and why you feel the resentment you will only keep adding more layers and more drama to what you're already feeling.

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Most importantly, we have to realize that when we are experiencing these things because our natural lives are already so stressful and hectic, we tend to sometimes leave God out of the equation and take care of these things ourselves. We may have all had those moments where it seemed like what you were feeling was so petty or so insignificant, that you did not even want to go to God with it or it was so draining that you did not feel like explaining it to anyone else or God (forgetting that He already knows).

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Give Me Your Burdens

We have to remember Matthew 11:28-29 when Jesus says, "come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

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No matter how "saved" we are, no matter how much we love God, no matter how far we've come on our journeys of faith, no matter how perfect we "think" we are, there are certain things that we face or certain feelings and emotions that we have that for whatever reasons even unbeknownst to ourselves, we forget that God can handle them better than we can. Sometimes we make an "in the moment" decision and use the scripture "faith without works is dead" as an excuse to act upon things in the way that we want to. In some instances, we tell ourselves, that instead of going to God with something we're just going to do our part and work it out. But if we were to be honest what we are doing is trying not to have to put our faith into action. We're trying to not have to endure the process that might come along with taking these things to God, because we really just want a quick fix. We just want to do what we're going to do and be done with it because we feel like God sometimes takes too long. Now there truly are times when some of us think that what we are doing is the best thing to do.

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Understand that God wants us to come to Him. In His eyes, there is no such thing as too little, too insignificant, or too big of a problem that we can't bring to Him, that He can't help us through.

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When we sometimes realize that some of our feelings may not have come as a result of our own actions as much as they came as a result of someone else's actions we tend to think there is not a need to confront them because if the person that is causing us to feel what we feel is not changing then we'll keep on feeling the same way as long as we interact with them. We feel that as long as we have to continue dealing with that cold-hearted boss, mate, church leader, parent, teacher, friend, or child that is influencing what we are feeling, it will be impossible for us to change what we feel. But if you examine the above scripture carefully God tells us to bring all our worries to Him. He calls for all who are weary and burdened to come to Him, to trust in Him.

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Weary is defined as:

-" physically or mentally exhausted by hard work, exertion, strain",

-" impatient or dissatisfied with something".

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Burdened is defined as:

-" bearing a physically heavy weight or load",

-" bearing a heavy burden of work or difficulties or responsibilities",

-"obligation".

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Therefore, whether we are weary because of the things that we personally take on or burdened by the things that others have placed upon us, God wants us to give all these things over to Him. He wants us to find rest in Him. He wants us to place His "yoke" upon us.

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From a biblical context, when Jesus tells us to take His yoke upon us, He is referring to us allowing Him to guide us, allowing Him to teach us the things we need to know. Jesus loves us and He has compassion for us and although we at times find ourselves having to suffer the consequence of some of our actions, His goal is not to harm us as much as it is about Him wanting to help us stay on the right path. He constantly tries to protect us and tries to teach us so that we don't place more worry and more stress and more bondage upon ourselves by becoming slaves to the things that we are using to satisfy our worldly desires. So that we don't become slaves to the things that we are pouring into as a means of "filling" ourselves so we can avoid or replace the things that we are feeling that we no longer want to feel. Jesus is letting us know that giving it over to Him not only lightens our burden, but it gives us rest because God is not a God of temporary fixes, but He is a God of long-term solutions.

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Even when we go astray, when we submit ourselves to God and when we go to Him earnestly, He is humble. He is not going to deny us because of how many times we've messed up, but He will accept us with open arms.

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We don't realize when we "fill" our "feelings" when we "fill" them with the wrong things we begin to chip at our salvation and before you know it, there is not much of it left in us. And then we find ourselves being really drained because we don't even want to hear ourselves saying, "Sorry Lord, I did it again."

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Have you ever experienced a scenario where a child does something that they know they should not have done and because they don't feel like hearing a lecture or being scolded, they go to their parent(s) and say, "Here's the belt" or they say, "I did…but I already put myself on punishment." They bring you the video game or the cell phone and walk away. At times when we know we've messed up again, instead of going to God which seems like too much energy, we punish ourselves. And the whole time God is watching and waiting for us to stop torturing ourselves and do what we have to do to get back on track. And when we finally do decide,( if we do decide), after we repent and get ourselves together, not only do we feel the weight fall off, but we feel silly that we went through all the unnecessary anguish when all we had to do was give it to God. All we had to do was confess to Him. We have to stop trying to avoid the lecture.

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Even as adults, many of us still make poor choices. Sometimes because we want an easy way out. Sometimes because we really do think that we are doing the right thing. Sometimes it is because we want to get rid of the problem or feeling as soon as possible. And sometimes it's because we really don't know what to do.

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We cannot emphasize enough the importance of prayer. Don't think that you need a "church title" to pray. Don't think that you need the right words to pray. Don't think that the situation is too small to pray about. Don't think that God is tired of hearing your prayers. Sometimes your prayers can be as simple as you talking to God. And if you still aren't sure how to say what you want to say to Him, perhaps get a journal and write your prayers to God. Write to God about what you are feeling and what you need help to overcome. Ask Him to help you to uncover why you're feeling the things that you feel. Don't be afraid to do the work that it Is going to take for you to face these "feelings" because every time you choose to ignore them, every time you choose to "fill" them with something else, you only add more "feelings" on top of the ones you already have, bringing yourself to a point where you're so confused you don't know what you're feeling in turn, bringing yourself to a point where you've reached such an emotional capacity that not only can't you feel anything else but you can't be filled with anything else . You have become both numb and void.

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"You Feel Me?"

There's a phrase "You Feel Me?" that many may use which simply translates to, "Do you understand me?" or "Do you get it?" and when people say this to us and we understand where they are coming from, when we understand their viewpoint, we say, "Yeah, I feel you." When we begin to have those moments when our feelings start to make themselves known, and when they start to beg for a seat at the table, before we "fill" them, we need to have a conversation with ourselves and say, "Self, do you feel me?" We need to try to reason with and try to understand what sparked this feeling. We need to try to find the cause as to why we feel what we do. At times, this just might bring us to a discovery, but the reality is that in some cases, we still may not be able to find an answer.

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"FEEDING" your Feelings!

We must note that it is not just those discouraging feelings, those negative feelings that send us down the wrong path, but if we're not careful even those moments of joy, happiness, and excitement can cause us to pour into the wrong people and/or things. How so?

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Maybe we find ourselves realizing that we're extremely happy, extremely excited. Now whether it be because we got a promotion, lost or gained the weight that we wanted to, or maybe we met someone new, regardless of what brought these "happy" feelings on, all we know is that we don't want to lose them, we don't want to let go of them. So, we start to add other things into our lives in an attempt to try to replicate this happiness so that it continues. You start to not "fill" your feelings, but you start to "feed" them, you want these feelings to occupy more of your space. Especially, since you've come to realize that setbacks are inevitable.

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Have you ever witnessed a situation where someone perhaps had a bit of a rough patch, but things start to turn around for them. They get a new job, and that job brings an instant promotion because their company sees how much of an asset they are, and how hard they've been working. They now have a sense of value that they never had. And they now also have money that they've never had which has turned into friends that they've never had. Before you know it, you can barely recognize this person. They've switched neighborhoods. They've changed their circle of friends. They now have an entourage of people following them where they go. They're living the high life. And things are fine at first. But then all of a sudden, the more they indulge in this newfound place, they find themselves in dramas that they never had before. It seems like the more they gain the crazier their life becomes. They seemed genuinely happy and now this "socialite" status is starting to cause them to spiral. And you think to yourself, "Money does it all the time." Well, the reality of this person's problem was not the money, what happened was this person discovered happiness, genuine happiness. But, when they realized that they did not want to lose that feeling of happiness, they started to feed it, they started to add to what they already had and involved themselves in more things that they thought would allow them to increase their happiness. They refused to go back to what it felt like before they knew the feeling that their promotion brought. That feeling that they felt before they knew what feeling valued was. On the downside they have taken genuine happiness and turned it into artificial happiness.

 

"FILLING" or "FEEDING"?

Regardless if it is a positive or a negative feeling, we still have to be careful how we entertain these feelings whether we are "filling" them trying to get rid of them or whether we are "feeding" them as a means for trying to hold on to them.

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We must trust God with everything that we feel. Sometimes when we can't get to the root of why we feel what we do, we must seek God for His guidance. We have to ask God to lead us as to how to address this concern. At times God may guide you by helping you realize what got you there through your praying and talking to Him. At other times God may lead you to talk and confide in someone else to help you work through what you are feeling whether it be a friend, a confidant, a parent, a teacher, a church leader, a prayer partner, or a counselor.

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Just as wounds heal differently, we cannot always use the same remedy to confront and overcome some of our feelings because our feelings are as different as those wounds are. There are some feelings that might get resolved through finding a quiet place and some alone time with God. There are some feelings that might get resolved through fasting and praying. There are some feelings that may get resolved by simply acknowledging them. And then there are those feelings that may require work. That may require you to earnestly put your "faith with works" into action. There are some things that God will instantly take away simply because you were humble enough and earnest enough to be real about what you felt whether you understood it or not. And sometimes there are some things that may require that process that you did not want to go through because God has to help you relieve yourself and help you let go of what you're feeling. You just have to be willing to accept how God goes about bringing you to your victory over these feelings.

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In the same sense you cannot fear losing those good feelings. You cannot fear losing your happiness, joy, peace, and hope. The more you fear losing them the more at risk they become because the more vulnerable you become to do whatever It takes to keep them. And if what you're doing to keep them are not rooted in God then you put yourself at risk of falling into a trap called sin and a plot called temptation. God wants us to be happy. He understands that we live in a natural world, and He wants us to enjoy those things that are "just" and "right" and bring us pleasure. He wants us to enjoy our family and our friends. He is not against us having the homes, the cars, and the material things that we work hard for. He, however, does not want us worshipping these things, lusting after these things, or placing our trust in these things. There is a difference between enjoying the finer things in life and thinking that there is no life if we don't have the finer things. God knows our heart's desires and when we are doing what we are supposed to do and putting Him first, He will bless us with these things as He sees fit, in His timing. We also cannot depend on "things" to make us happy. As long as we have these "things" we are "happy" but when we don't, we are miserable. We have to understand the difference between happiness and contentment.

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Philippians 4:7 states, "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

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Don't forget that God is always there. He can help us to face all of our challenges even those we ourselves don't understand. As we wrestle with these feelings whether the ones that we are trying to get rid of or the ones we are trying to hold on to, if we seek God, when we seek God, when we pray to Him and talk to Him, He will give us the answers we need. He will lead us into discovering those things that we need to discover in order to relieve ourselves of the weights that hold us down and hold us back from keeping our salvation intact. And as we try to understand these things even if the answers don't come right away, He will give us peace. A peace that will help our hearts and our minds to stay rooted in the right things even when it feels like we ourselves are falling apart.

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Don't give up on yourself. I have a "feeling" that everything is going to be alright for you. So, join me and let's "feed" that "feeling" with some "faith".