Our feelings are quite a phenomena. Especially because within those feelings lie a whole lot of emotions, thoughts, and subconscious beliefs, that may include everything from joys to sorrows, anger and happiness, fear and courage, hope and despair, love and hate, acceptance and loneliness, amidst many other facets. We sometimes find ourselves not truly understanding what we are feeling and why we are feeling the way that we do. And in some instances, more than we recognize or probably care to admit, we just don't know what we feel.

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We at times, are so caught up in life and in our everyday routines that in our attempt to just make it through the day, we ignore all those little things that rub us the wrong way and rush past the things that do bring us some type of joy or comfort.

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In many cases it is not until we open our mouths or take a particular action that we realize that we are "feeling a certain kind of way". In many times it may not be until we hear a song on the radio or see something on television that makes us realize that we are feeling a certain kind of way. It is sometimes not until that friend or loved one calls us to express their emotions about their own drama be it good or bad that we then realize that we are feeling a certain kind of way. And while it is true that we are always going to have feelings and that it Is not humanly possible to live without them, the concern is that sometimes we are so busy with life, or so busy trying to talk someone else through their feelings, that we are not addressing what's in our own hearts.

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That becomes a concern because allowing something to go suppressed for too long can then put us into a state in which we don't even want to deal with addressing what we feel because it seems as though it will require more energy than we may be able to give at the moment.

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Therefore, instead of talking it out, instead of journaling about it, instead of meditating, instead of asking for prayer or praying about it, instead of talking to God about it, we decide to "fill" our "feelings". And when we decide to "fill" our "feelings", all I can say is prepare for a ride because depending on what we are filling our feelings with, we can find ourselves on the right road, the wrong road, or on a path with constant detours.

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Now, it is not to say that we all don't have guilty pleasures or things that we indulge in as a means of relieving stress or worry. That's not what we're talking about. We're not talking about indulging in the box of chocolate after a long day or treating yourself to a nice prime rib after a week of workplace drama. We are not talking about the occasional doing something to pamper yourself whether it be a new pair of shoes or a new tech gadget. We can all do those things just to breathe and have moments of calm. But there is a difference between having a moment of calm and trying to create a surrogate for what you're feeling. Let's Explore:

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We are referring to when we start to replace what we're feeling with other things, not as a means of merely escaping the stress of that feeling, but as a means of trying to quickly stop the feeling by covering the wound without healing or addressing it.

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Sometimes we find ourselves in a place in which our usual moment of calm routine is not helping at all. That moment of calm routine helped you to get over the long line at the grocery store. It helped you to get over your parents not liking your new haircut. It helped you to get over your sibling not reimbursing you with the money that they owed you. It helped you to get over your mate forgetting to pay your cell bills. It helped you to get over not being chosen to lead the church auxiliary. It helped you to get over failing the final exam that counted toward a huge percentage of your grade. It even helped you get to over having to postpone the trip that you had been saving for. But then along comes that thing, that feeling, that cannot be so easily calmed.

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Sometimes feelings behave themselves until you realize that they are there. You behave yourself until you realize that they are there. But once they are brought to your attention, what do you do when you just aren't in the mood to address them? We all have those moments when we think "Not today!" And "Not today!", turns into, "Not tomorrow.", or the next day either. And when we realize that nagging feeling won't go away, we become so desperate to get rid of it that we just decide to "fill" it. We suppress it with whatever is going to keep it at bay.

 

"FILLING" It?

What do I mean by "fill it"? Filling your feelings is when you pour into something else hoping that the thing that you pour into will pour something back into you that will fill you in a way that makes the feeling go away. You want something else to "fill" (replace) what you "feel". You want something that is more appeasing to occupy that space inside of you.

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You might be feeling lonely, and it all starts off with you deciding to have dinner with a close friend.  You think that maybe this loneliness is due to the fact that you haven't had the time to spend with friends or family because work has been extremely busy. After having dinner with your friend, you feel a little better but by the time you get home, prepare for bed, and sleep on it, you realize that the loneliness is still lingering. So, you then start to browse social media and come across an old acquaintance, a different friend, which leads to you hooking up with said acquaintance and doing something that you now regret.

 

However, a few days go by, and you realize that the loneliness is no longer there. You're so happy that you decide to browse social media and see what that old acquaintance is up to. You're smiling and browsing until you come across pictures of them and the significant other that you knew nothing about. Now all of a sudden, there goes that feeling of loneliness much like you had before, but it has now amplified, and has a friend called resentment that has become attached to it and it also has a cousin called anger that is waiting for an invitation to the party. And on top of all of that, you now have guilt because that thing called "salvation" that you had been working so hard to maintain has been dismantled. Before you know it, you have made all kinds of decisions and involved yourself in all kinds of dramas which all stem from your trying to avoid "one feeling". All because you were not in the mood to confront why you were feeling lonely, you now feel remorse, anger, guilt, shame, and betrayal, all because you poured into something hoping that it would "fill" you in a way that erased that feeling that you wanted to get rid of.

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How many times have you found yourself there? Or maybe…

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You ate a slice of pie because your boss upset you. When the pie did not work, you added the bowl of ice cream to your after-work regimen. And then when that still didn't satisfy you emotionally, although it satisfied your appetite, you then moved to that cigarette that you knew that you were not supposed to have due to your health scare. You picked up that same cigarette that you promised God you would never touch again if the test results came back negative. But because you refuse to give your boss any more of your energy by thinking about how miserable they make your work environment, you say, "Jesus knows. He'll understand." (Side Note: why is it that we can always see God as a compassionate God when we want to justify our wrongdoing but outside of our wrongdoing, we see Him as a God of wrath... But that's another topic, let's move along). Let you tell it, that cigarette helps you to keep from losing your job. Let you tell it, that cigarette keeps you calm so that you don't react. However, regardless of what you say that cigarette does, what it did not do was keep you from the doctor, because your health scare has now become your health concern. And there you are, mad at God because you think that He is punishing you for not keeping your word.

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As we attempt to "fill" our feelings, more often than not, we are not filling them with the right things. At some point, things can spiral so out of control that trying to get rid of anger because someone cut you off in traffic, turned into you going online and playing a casino game that while it kept you from a police charge, it did not keep you from the gambling addiction that you now have. God helped you to overcome your alcohol addiction. You were responsible and did everything that you were supposed to do, and life has been good to you. God has been good to you. The truth is that it took a lot for you to overcome your drinking habit, and you just did not feel like addressing a road rage issue too. The way you see it, everybody has road rage. Your attempt to "fill" your "feeling" got you into a worse mess and introduced you to another addiction. At times many of us overcome one addiction only to find ourselves developing another addiction when we don't learn how to address our feelings, who to take them to, and who to trust them with. We have a habit of seeking things as a means of finding escape and comfort instead of seeking God, which if we are not careful, can welcome other bad habits into our lives.

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There's a commercial that used to come on that emphasized the fact that "when you tell one lie it leads to another". It showed a constant web of how one person's lie caused them to end up in a series of lies causing them to become so entangled in their lies, that it seemed like there was no escape.

​This is what happens to us when we start to "fill" our "feelings" with the wrong thing.​ This is what happens when we try to replace one feeling with another one.

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You must realize that when you are filling your feelings, you are not replacing the feeling that you have, you are simply putting an extra layer on top of it. Now there are some things that we pour into that may be completely innocent. There are things that we pour into that might not be bad in nature at all. But what often happens is that when that "innocent thing" is not working and you are still feeling what you feel, you begin to move down the assembly line of replacing that feeling with thing, after thing, after thing, not realizing that the further down the assembly line you go, the more harmful what you're "filling" yourself with may become, although it did not start out that way.

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If you are not addressing why you're lonely, why you're angry, why you have the road rage, why you feel the disappointment, or why you feel the resentment, you will only keep adding more layers and more drama to what you're already feeling.

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Most importantly, we must realize that when we are experiencing these feelings, because our natural lives are already so stressful and hectic, we tend to at times leave God out of the equation and handle these things on our own. We may have all had those moments where it seemed like what we were feeling was so petty or insignificant, that we didn't even want to go to God about it. We may have all had those moments in which something was so draining that we did not feel like explaining it to anyone else or God (forgetting that He already knows).

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Give Me Your Burdens

We have to remember Matthew 11:28-29, when Jesus says, "come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (NIV).

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No matter how saved we are, no matter how much we love God, no matter how far we've come on our journeys of faith, and no matter how perfect we think that we are, there are certain experiences that we have and certain feelings and emotions that we end up with, that for whatever reason, even unbeknownst to ourselves, we forget that God can handle them better than we can.

 

Sometimes we make an in the moment decision and use the scripture "faith without works is dead" (James 2:20, KJV) as an excuse to justify and act upon things in the way that we want to. We take scripture and place an interpretation on it that is going to align with how we want to appease our flesh. In some instances, we tell ourselves that instead of going to God with the issue, we're just going to do our part and work it out. But if we were to be honest what we are really doing is trying not to have to put our faith into action. We're trying not to have to endure the process that might come along with taking these things to God. We just want a quick fix. We just want to do what we're going to do and be done with it because we feel like God sometimes takes too long to work things out. Now there truly are some of us who don't take things to God because we think that what we are doing is the best thing to do. But even when we have full confidence in ourselves, we still must TAKE ALL THINGS TO GOD!​Understand that God wants us to come to Him. In God's eyes, there is no such thing as too little, too insignificant, or too big of a problem that we can't bring it to Him and trust Him to work it out.

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At times, when we realize that some of our feelings did not come as a result of our own actions as much as they came as a result of someone else's actions, we tend to think there is not a need to confront these feelings. At times we think that if the person that is causing us to feel what we are feeling does not change, then we'll keep on feeling the way that we do as long as we have to interact with them. We feel that as long as we have to continue dealing with that cold-hearted boss, mate, church leader, parent, teacher, friend, or child that is influencing what we are feeling, it will be impossible for us to change what we feel. But if you examine the above scripture carefully, Jesus tells us to bring all of our worries to him. He calls for all who are weary and burdened to come to him and trust him with what they bring to him.

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Weary is defined as:

• physically or mentally exhausted by hard work, exertion, strain,

• impatient or dissatisfied with something.

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Burdened is defined as:

• bearing a physically heavy weight or load,

• bearing a heavy burden of work or difficulties or responsibilities,

• obligation.

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Therefore, whether we are weary because of the things that we personally take on or burdened by the things that others have placed upon us, Jesus wants us to hand all of these things over to him. Jesus wants us to find rest in him. Jesus wants us to place his "yoke" upon us.

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From a biblical context, when Jesus tells us to take his yoke upon us, he is referring to us allowing him to guide us and teach us the things that we need to know. Jesus loves us and has compassion for us and although we at times find ourselves having to suffer the consequence of some of our actions, his goal is not to harm us as much as it is about him wanting to help us to stay on the right path.

 

Jesus constantly tries to protect us. He constantly tries to teach us so that we don't place more worry, stress, and bondage upon ourselves by becoming slaves to the things that we are using to satisfy our desires. Jesus does not want us to become slaves to the things that we are pouring into as a means of "filling" ourselves so that we can avoid, replace, and rid ourselves of all those unwanted thoughts and emotions. Jesus is letting us know that giving it over to him not only lightens our burden, but it gives us rest because he is not a God of temporary fixes, but he is a God of long-term solutions.

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Even when we go astray, when we submit ourselves to God and earnestly seek Him, He is humble. He is not going to deny us because of how many times we've messed up, but He will accept us with open arms.​ We don't realize that when we "fill" our "feelings", when we fill them with the wrong things, we begin to chip at our salvation and before you know it, there is not much of it left in us. And then we find ourselves being really drained because we don't even want to hear our own selves saying, "Sorry Lord, I did it again."

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Have you ever experienced a scenario where a child did something that they knew they should not have done and because they didn't feel like hearing a lecture or being scolded, they went to their parent(s) and said, "Here's the belt" or they said, "I did…but I already put myself on punishment." Or maybe they brought you the video game or cell phone and walked away. At times when we know we've messed up again, instead of going to God which seems like too much energy, we punish ourselves. And the whole time God is watching and waiting for us to stop torturing ourselves and instead do what we need to do to get back on track. And when we finally do decide, (if we decide), after we repent and get ourselves together, not only do we feel the weight fall off, but we feel silly that we went through all the unnecessary anguish when all we had to do was give it to God. All we had to do was repent and confess to Him. We must stop trying to avoid the lecture.

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Even as adults, many of us still make poor choices. At times it is because we want an easy way out. At other times it is because we really do think that we are doing the right thing. There are times that we make poor choices because we want to get rid of the problem or feeling as soon as possible so we take the first available option. And sometimes we make poor choices without realizing that we have done so.

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We cannot emphasize enough the importance of prayer. Don't think that you need a church title to pray. Don't think that you need the right words to pray. Don't think that you need a certain background, credentials, or accomplishments in order to pray. Don't think that the situation is too small to pray about. Don't think that God is tired of hearing your prayers.

 

Sometimes your prayers can be as simple as you talking to God. And if you still aren't sure how to say what you want to say to Him, perhaps get a journal and write your prayers to God. Write to God about what you are feeling and what you need Him to help you to overcome.

 

Ask God to help you to uncover why you're feeling the things that you feel. Don't be afraid to do the work that it Is going to take for you to face these "feelings" because every time that you choose to ignore them, every time that you choose to "fill" them with something else, you only add more feelings on top of the ones that you already have, bringing yourself to a point where you're so confused that you don't know what you're feeling. And that then brings you to a point in which you've reached such an emotional capacity that not only can't you feel anything else, but you can't be filled with anything else because you have become both numb and void.

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"You Feel Me?"

Many of us might use the phrase, "You Feel Me?", which simply translates to, "Do you understand me?" or "Do you get it?". And when people say this to us and we understand where they are coming from, when we understand their viewpoint, we say, "Yeah, I feel you."

 

When we begin to have those moments when our feelings start to make themselves known, and when they start to beg for a seat at the table, before we "fill" them, we need to have a conversation with ourselves and say, "Self, do you feel me?"

 

We need to try to reason with ourselves and try to understand what sparked this feeling. We need to try to find the cause as to why we feel what we do. And as we are talking to ourselves, we must look up and also talk to God because even when analyzing our feelings and reflecting on what got us there might lead to a discovery, the reality is that in some cases, we still may not be able to find an answer. However, GOD ALWAYS HAS THE ANSWER and He can help to navigate us amid, through, and beyond whatever we are feeling.

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"FEEDING" your Feelings!

We must note that it is not just those discouraging and negative feelings that send us down the wrong path, but if we're not careful even those moments of joy, happiness, and excitement can cause us to pour into the wrong people and/or things. How so?

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Maybe we find ourselves realizing that we're extremely happy and excited. Now whether it be because we got a promotion, lost or gained the weight that we wanted to, or met someone new, regardless of what brought these happy feelings on, all we know is that we don't want to lose or let go of them. So, we start to add other things into our lives in an attempt to try to replicate this happiness so that it continues. You start to not "fill" your feelings, but you start to "feed" them, because you want these feelings to occupy more of your space. Especially, since you've come to realize that setbacks are inevitable.

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Have you ever witnessed a situation in which someone perhaps had a bit of a rough patch, but things started to turn around for them. They get a new job, and that job brings an instant promotion because their company sees how much of an asset they are. They now have a sense of value that they never had before. And they now also have money that they've never had before which has brought along friends that they've never had before. And before you know it, you can barely recognize this person. They've switched neighborhoods. They've changed their circle of friends. They now have an entourage of people following them wherever they go. They're living the high life. And things are fine at first. But then all of a sudden, the more that they indulge in this newfound place, they find themselves in dramas that they never had before. It seems like the more that they gain, the crazier their life becomes. They seemed genuinely happy and now this socialite status is starting to cause them to spiral. And you think to yourself, "Money does it all the time."

 

Well, the source of this person's problem was not the money. What happened was that this person had discovered happiness, genuine happiness, but when they realized that they did not want to lose that feeling of happiness, they started to "feed it". They tried to add to the happiness that they already had by involving themselves in things that they thought would allow them to increase their happiness. They refused to go back to what it felt like before they knew the feeling that their promotion brought. They refused to go back to that feeling that they felt before they knew what feeling valued was. On the downside they have taken genuine happiness and turned it into artificial happiness.

 

"FILLING" or "FEEDING"?

Regardless of if it is a positive or a negative feeling, we must be careful as to how we entertain these feelings. Whether we are "filling" these feelings because we are trying to get rid of them or are "feeding" them as a means of trying to hold on to them, we must exercise extreme caution. And above all, we must make God a part of the plan as it concerns how we address and act upon these feelings.

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We must trust God with everything that we feel. When we can't get to the root of why we feel the way that we do, we must seek God for His guidance. We must ask God to lead us as to how to address our concerns. At times, through your praying and talking to God, He may guide you by helping you to realize what got you there. At other times God may lead you to talk to and seek counsel from someone else to help you to work through what you are feeling whether it be a friend, confidant, parent, teacher, significant other, church leader, prayer partner, or a counselor.

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Just as wounds heal differently, we cannot always use the same remedy to confront and overcome all of our feelings because our feelings are as different as those wounds are. There are some feelings that might get resolved by finding a quiet place and some alone time with God. There are some feelings that might get resolved through fasting and praying. There are some feelings that might get resolved by simply acknowledging them. And then there are those feelings that may require work. There are those feelings that might require you to earnestly put both your "faith and your work" into action. There are some feelings that God will instantly take away simply because you were humble and earnest enough to be real about what you felt whether you understood it or not. At other times, there are some feelings, thoughts, and emotions that may require you to go through that process that you wanted to avoid because God wants to help you to get it all out. God wants you to relieve yourself of the burden and let it go, trusting that He's got it. However, you must be willing to accept how God goes about bringing you to your conquering of these feelings, thoughts, and emotions that you dread.

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In the same sense you cannot fear losing those good feelings. You cannot fear losing your happiness, joy, peace, and hope. The more you fear losing them the more at risk these emotions become because the more vulnerable and desperate you become in doing whatever It takes to keep them. And if what you are doing to keep them are not rooted in God, then you put yourself at risk of falling into a trap called sin and a plot called temptation.

 

God wants us to be happy. He understands that we live in a natural world, and He wants us to enjoy those things that are "just" and "right" and bring us pleasure. God wants us to enjoy our family and our friends. God is not against us having the homes, cars, and all of the material things that we work hard for. God is not against the material things that we ask Him for. He, however, does not want us worshipping these things, lusting after these things, or placing our trust in these things.

 

There is a difference between enjoying the finer things in life and thinking that there is no life if we don't have the finer things. We cannot depend on things to make us happy. As long as we have these things we are happy, but without them, we are miserable. We must understand the difference between happiness and contentment. God knows our hearts' desires and when we are doing what we are supposed to do and putting Him first, He will bless us with all of those things that we ask Him for as He sees fit. and He will do so in His timing, not ours.

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Philippians 4:7 states, "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" (NIV).

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Don't forget that God is always there. God can help us to face all of our challenges. Even those that we ourselves don't understand. As we wrestle with these feelings whether the ones that we are trying to get rid of or the ones that we are trying to hold on to, if and when we seek God, if and when we pray and talk to Him, He will give us the answers that we need. He will lead us into discovering those things that we need to discover in order to relieve ourselves of the weights that hold us down and hold us back from keeping our salvation intact. And as we try to understand these things, even if the answers don't come right away, God will give us peace. He will give us a peace that will help our hearts and our minds to stay rooted in the right things even when it feels like we ourselves are falling apart.​ Don't give up on yourself. I have a "feeling" that everything is going to be alright for you. So, join me and let's "feed" that "feeling" with some "faith".